i'll write you a story soon. or something.
Sometimes, the Ruban Invisible Tape should be used on ourselves. Just simply cover your entire anatomy with this rather practical object then leave it on for exactly twelve and a half minutes. That should do it. Use water to peel it off gently, watching it make big, heavy, sticky curls. Look in the mirror, if there's something odd about you...say, you can't see your reflection, it could mean that it worked. Whatever the outcome, life will remain just as tawdry.